I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
