it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
