new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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