Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
