his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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