what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
