so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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