2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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