I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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