Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
