I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
