Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
