Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
