Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
