$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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