last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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