I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
