My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
