Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so let's talk penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize