I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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