Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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