i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
