I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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