____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't turn off my feet"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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