My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
