I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So apparently I’m into choking now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
