we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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