just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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