So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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