i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
