flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
