i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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