kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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