Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
