Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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