the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
