New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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