THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
