A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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