Girls should come with a carfax report
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
two words...techno handjob
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
