gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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