I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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