wakey wakey hands off snakey
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
