so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
