Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
