either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
