i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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