PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
