i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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