Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
