She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
