The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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