she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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