You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
