goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
