And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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