I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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