I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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