im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
