i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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