Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
