I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
