I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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