the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
