Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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