OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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