everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
