Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
