he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
