It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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