My friends, they love my intelligence
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just had sex on a roof
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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