So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
