so that wasnt chicken after all
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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