It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize