i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
