you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
